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November 11, 2008
Welcome to Holland
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this.....
When you’re going to have a baby it’s like planning a fabulous vacation - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland”. “Holland?!?!” you say. “What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy! All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”
But there’s been a change in flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting place full of pestilence and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you will learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you never would have met. It’s just a different place. It’s slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you have been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is coming and going from Italy and they’re bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.” And the pain of that will never, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the special, the very lovely things about Holland.
Found in the Down’s Syndrome Newsletter, Spring 1998.
Posted by Paul Northup at 10:40 AM | Comments (0)